Get yourself a newfie… Log #10

From a young age, about five years old, I’ve always tried to make my family think i’m happy & strong because I was worried about their feelings & perception for as long as i could remember. Resilience must be in my blood. I was made to feel like I owed them something by my Dad because they adopted myself & big brother as babies. Literally, he would say “You Owe Me”. My Dad & even my Mom to an extent, were very good at pointing out what you’re doing wrong, especially if you’re proud of something. Maybe a boomer thing? Not sure.

I’ve been de-escalating my family and trying to ‘fix’ everything forrrrrever. That’s where this beautiful, dry, sarcastic humour comes from, it’s a gift really… Humour as a defensive mechanism, yes please! Just watch me end violence & create world peace with a fart joke! You’ll see…

My family has been extremely good at taking advantage of guilt. Guilt that should have never existed. When I look around, I know my brother and I were very lucky to be adopted as babies and not run around in foster care. My brother is un-diagnosed but on the spectrum and was bullied, berated & belittled by grown ups and peers & people who should’ve been a safe place for most of his life & still to this day. My parents stuck him in institutions & medicated him as if he was the problem. I think by the time society became more in tune with bullying and autism, it was a bit too late for him. My parents tried so hard to make him ‘normal’ with doctors, prescriptions & my Dad’s personal favourites, sarcasm & reverse psychology. My brother doesn’t understand sarcasm, or reverse physiology, therefore, he took all of that as literal criticism. My brother was the smartest person, always on the honour roll, fit & funny. If he was interested in something, he knew every fact & detail. One time, I pulled up in front of his house to drop him off and he said to me “why didn’t you pull in the driveway?” & I said ” I dunno’ why is the sky blue?” & he proceeded to explain gases & atmosphere & what not, so I was like “ya, obviously”…

Those things didn’t matter to my dad. My Dad was a womaniser & saw females as flesh sleeves, holes to be penetrated & beings to cook & do laundry. Even today, while dementia eats his brain away he tells me doesn’t want “one of them women doctors”… (I tell him not to worry, they’re transgender)…

My brother always saw women as people and not something to screw, very confusing for the old man. My Dad tried his hardest to ‘get my brother’ laid & couldn’t understand when my brother was uninterested & just liked talking to women. FYI, my big bro did finally get laid in his twenties… I was a very proud little sister… We didn’t tell my Dad…

My Dad loved hookers… It’s weird to hear about your fathers favourite hookers… Dads, never tell your daughters about your favorite hooker, its weird!

Eventually, every person get’s tired of trying to survive in dysfunction. We get tired of overlooking red flags & making excuses for other people’s shitty behavior. We get tired of trying to convince people our worth & entertaining anyone who takes interest in us.

Here’s my solution, get yourself a Newfie! No matter how sad I’ve been in life, if my best Newfie bud is around I am guaranteed to laugh until it hurts. We met at a tailgate party when I was 17 and dating a man who was 23… Ew. She saw me immediately for who I was. I sat on the tailgate alone, away from the pedo’s of the small town I was living in at the time. Did you know it’s gross if you’re over 20 picking up highschool girls? It is, tell your friends. Anyway, she came over with a bottle of Newfoundland screech & apparently, I was the only one willing to drink the screech right out of the bottle with her. Instantly bonded for life. My Rock from the Rock.

I’m so sorry but, even when newfie’s are angry they’re funny! When my girl is hangry, it’s the funniest t’ing I’ve ever seen! I have no idea what she’s even talking about! I can honestly one hundred percent say, I’ve never been sad or unfed in Newfoundland. I don’t think she has any idea what a lucky ‘maid’ she is… Go!

Go to Newfoundland, pick one out & keep them!

Me & my Newfie will be driving across Canada together in September. I am very excited to be journaling about our adventure soon!