Dementia with Dad… Log #15

A whole new set of Daddy issues…

Last night I got a call from Dad asking me to take him to Emergency for some ongoing back pain. I arrived at his girlfriends house shortly thereafter. She explained to me that he had been having this pain for weeks and today he had been doubled over in pain more than once. Off to emerg we went.

Now the process with my Dad and his girlfriend is quite intricate. She has Parkinson’s and moves at the pace of a sloth riding a snail. Dad has Dementia and dotes on this woman like i’ve never seen before. Her mind is sharp, but her body is slow and my Dads mind is going but his body seems to function fine for the most part. Together they have formed a co-dependant relationship where she does the thinking & he does the walking. To get them into my car (because they both refuse to use any wheeled devices like walkers or scooters) there’s a stool, she has to climb up, while Dad tries to scoot her in, then he buckles her in, usually struggling to find the clip for the buckle, then the cane, then the purse, then Dad finally gets himself in once he’s checked his pockets four times…

Aaaanyway, we finally get to emergency, they immediately give him basic painkillers like Advil or Tylenol, can’t remember which. We entered emergency relatively quickly which was nice compared to the usual six hour line up. They take dad for an x-ray & by the time he comes back from that, he’s basically forgotten why we’re there…

While we wait for results, his girlfriend decides she needs to use the washroom, this is generally a 25-30 minute activity which means Dad will ask about 17 times where she is… & answer patiently every time. Then he starts to play with the medical equipment, i never realised how many buttons are in emergency rooms, he eventually find something similar to binoculars I guess which he of course needs to adjust… So finally I say “Dad, just sit on the bed” to which he replies, “I’m not sitting on the bed, i’m not a patient”. I turn my face to the wall for a giggle…

The doctor arrives… what a condescending C***! She says something along the lines of “So, you’ve had back pain for a month & instead of seeing your family doctor, you decide to come to emerg…” I’m pretty sure the look on my face was what changed her attitude pretty quick, but she proceeded to examine dad’s back while telling us the x-ray was clear & there’s nothing they could do in emergency that night & he needs to see his family doctor, wrote a prescription & offered a shot for pain…

My Dad Hates his family doctor, he doesn’t remember much but he knows that’s the guy who took his driver’s license away. For me to take Dad to any doctor is a struggle on the best of days, but to see that guy… even worse, so if Dad asks to go to Emergency, we go.

I think it’s time to carry a sign to show people That says : Dad has Dementia, Please be Patient with him (Fine print: or, i’ll slap you). The lack of empathy is truly evident in the world since Dad’s been slipping. I feel like i can see when a human being is clearly confused, or not understanding what’s going on, but some people just give snotty frustrated responses which tends to push my ‘slap their lips off’ button… but I don’t… because well, prison… I do understand the frustration, a lot of people are frustrated & have been pushed to the limit, I know what people in customer service deal with all day, so I feel for you, but I feel more for my Dad…

Despite my complicated history with my Dad, he’s still human & still my Dad & at the end of the day, I protect that old fart with my whole being whether he deserves it or not, so if you’re reading this journal entry, be kind to old people. It’s actually a very odd type of sad watching a bully lose the ability to bully so even if you don’t feel respect, please be kind…